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Sample 3 of the Power to Succeed EMBRACING PROBLEMS In
our culture, we live out of a deeply rooted belief that there are
problems and that problems are bad and
therefore to be avoided. We are blind to the fact that labeling something a
problem is merely our interpretation of what happened, not an actual event.
Also, with the appearance of problems comes the interpretation that
something must be wrong - with the other person, the situation at hand or even
with us. With
this belief that problems should not be, are unwanted and to be avoided at
nearly all cost, our relationship to any person or situation that may prove
problematic allows us little room to be powerful. As a matter of fact, we
typically go out of our way to minimize our discomfort by steering clear of
anything that might lead to the generation of a problem. As a result of this
orientation to problems, we find ourselves attaching blame, making excuses,
complaining, denying, or otherwise hiding or stepping over problems in order to
distance ourselves from them. Avoiding problems impacts our relationships, our
productivity and our effectiveness in dealing with others. The
invisible assumption or paradigm we all operate out of is that good people do
not have problems. Therefore, if we find out people have problems, the natural
thing to do is to get rid of them or avoid them as well. This
orientation to problems causes us to deny they exist or at least to ignore or
minimize them. When they do show up, we tend to attach blame to someone else for
them. Of course, all this hinders communication and creates suffering. We
typically are unaware of our natural orientation to problems. By being blind to
it, this paradigm controls us much like a puppet on a string. We are so deeply
embedded in our belief that problems are bad and to be avoided that we don't
even see how this notion runs our lives. Before we re-evaluate our orientation to problems, let's look more closely at exactly what constitutes a problem. Problems only exist when there is an interruption or stop to some prior commitment in place. Without such a commitment, the problem appears considerably less in magnitude and may not even be considered a problem at all. For example, if you get a flat tire on the way to your wedding, it shows up like a significant problem since your commitment was to get to the ceremony on time. To the contrary, if you were just passing the time riding around the countryside with nothing important to do and you got a flat, it would show up more like an inconvenience. One
drawback to our orientation to problems is that to avoid having a potential
problem, we avoid making commitments that present any likelihood of resulting in
a problem. We play small because we can't risk the problems. How
would you act differently if you actually looked for problems because you wanted
the breakthroughs that result from them? Instead of inferring that problems mean
something’s wrong, take on the empowering belief that problems are the source
of your growing and expanding. Seek out and embrace problems as an opportunity
to take you to the next level in your development. Create the expectation that
you will always encounter problems and stop running from them. Look for the gold
that lies within each one. Remember,
the problem is never the problem. Your relationship to the problem and the
interpretation you create about it is. If you seek to avoid problems at all
costs, you will play small within your comfort zone, not risking for fear of
creating a problem. Instead, welcome problems as the medium for creativity. Create a powerful relationship to them as an opportunity to reformulate,
look for new possibilities and recommit yourself to the original commitment
underlying the problem. The
Typical Scenario of Risking and Why People Stay Stuck You
Are In Your Comfort Zone
1)
A Return to the Status Quo 2)
Justification (I knew it wouldn't work, I really didn't need or want it,
etc.) A Return to Your Comfort Zone Shifting
Your Relationship To Problems You
Are in Your Comfort Zone
Welcoming
Problems 1)
Identify at least three situations you have avoided because you have labeled
them as problems. 2)
What is the underlying commitment behind each problem? 3)
Are you more committed to your comfort and avoiding potential problems or to
playing full out for something worthwhile? 4)
Create an empowering interpretation that allows you to shift how you currently
see the problems you are now avoiding. 5)
What possibilities do you see in each problem area? Which will you commit to act
upon? By when? |